最后一句话“另一种是家实在太远,由于房价居高不下,大量消费者购房意愿和购买现实不相符”,汉语表述的不是很清楚,在英译时要结合上文做一些变通, 网友zebra的翻译也注意到了这一问题:The other parents choose to be members of the "Double-Renting Tribe" as a result of the really long distance between the school and their homes. As the housing price remains stubbornly high, many purchasers cannot afford to buy houses as they like. 但在理解上和我有所不同,我觉得从写作的角度来说,上面提到了两个问题,这句话就应该是与第二因素有关的。这里的翻译如果不明晰化,可能让老外看不懂,但明晰化也确实存在不同见解的问题。说实在的,翻译久了才发现,译者比作者更认真,作者写作的时候可以随心所欲一些,而译者从来都不能,这也是译者最痛苦的地方。
译题二:海底捞:网络口碑的最佳诠释者
网络口碑的最佳诠释者是海底捞。在各大论坛和微博上,海底捞早已不是一家火锅企业,它是可以满足客户一切需求的宇宙英雄奥特曼。很短时间内,关于无敌海底捞的段子像网络病毒,让海底捞接管铁道部、红十字会甚至接管地球的呼声也相当高涨。此时,海底捞的背后浮现了网络水军的谍影。当人们开始怀疑自己的印象被操控,网络口碑就走到了它的反面。
参考译文:
Haidilao: all out of IWOM
Haidilao becomes the best annotator of IWOM. For a time, all over the major forums and Weibo platforms, Haidilao was said to everything but a hotpot chain, it was "hailed" as the cosmic hero Ultraman ready to meet all demands of the customers. In a short period of time, stories about the "heroic" Haidilao spread on the internet like rampant computer virus. It was "prompted" to audaciously take over the Ministry of Railways, the Red Cross, and even the whole planet. Then netizens saw through the game of paid posters and when they realized that their opinions had been manipulated, they were ready to deal a counterblow with the same IWOM。
“段子”这个词最初可能源于网络上流行的一些“黄段子(dirty joke)”,但后来它的词义发展了,因为人们又创造了“红段子(red message)”,而关于海底捞的段子既不是“黄段子”,也不是“红段子”,倒有点“传闻(hearsay)”或“编造的故事(invented story)”的意思,不过在实际翻译中,可以婉转一些,翻译成story就可以了。
这段文字最难翻译的不是其中的词汇,而是它的语言风格。在中间部分,对海底捞的叙事直接套用了网络上那些带有浓厚夸张色彩的句子,隐含着作者对海底捞所采取的网络营销模式的批评,这一点从后文的“谍影”这个词的使用可以看出。笔者在翻译时,给一些词加上了引号,这样做的目的是为了让英语读者更容易看出那些非事实的成分。
标题的翻译套用了句式all out of love,正所谓“成也萧何,败也萧何”。网友的翻译在句式处理和词汇应用上也都存在不少的问题。比如这句:As good experiences in Haidishao circulated online like internet worms, there were even louder calls to hand over the Ministry of Railways(China) and the Red Cross Society of China to this business. Good experiences对译“段子”明显是不对的,译者忽视了全文的基调,海底捞的网络口碑营销最终成了一个失败的案例,所以不存在什么“好的经验”;原文反讽的语调更是没有译出。
译题三:中国声音:美国借钱要还
标准普尔公司降低美国评级对中国的负面影响,或许即将显现。中国的外汇储备资产高达近3.2万亿美元,一些人估计其中约70%为美元计价资产,大部分是美国国债。
新华社7日发表题为《明晰在全球经济中的“责任”》的时评称,作为世界最大经济体、最大债务国、主要储备货币发行国,美国“不应放任美元贬值,也不应采取新货币手段导致贬值加剧”,“对于‘借钱要还'的简单责任和信誉,美国决策机制同样要增加‘责任'意识”。
参考译文:
China urges on US to act on debt
The negative impact on China is perhaps to arise soon of the US ratings downgrade by Standard &Poor's. China's foreign exchange assets amount to approximately a worth of USD3,200 billion, 70% of which are nothing more than capital in US dollars themselves with American treasury securities taking the lion's share。
In an editorial published on August 7 by Xinhua News Agency in China titled America should Clarify Its "Responsibility" in the World Economy, China urges on US to act on its debts to China. The article says, as the biggest economy, the biggest debtor nation, and one of the major issuers of reserve currency in the world, the US "should not indulge in the depreciation of US dollars, or adopt any new monetary means to exacerbate the situation", and "the policy makers of this state should raise their awareness of 'responsibility' and remind themselves of the 'simple' duty and honor embodied in the maxim that 'he who owes money pays the debt'”。
在本题翻译中,一些网友的语法分析有误,比如“标准普尔公司降低美国评级对中国的负面影响,或许即将显现”这一句的翻译中的错误:
1) It may be probable for the Standard & Poor to reduce the side effect upon China by the graded U.S。
2) Standard and Pool's corporation may weaken the American’s debt crisis impact on China。
3) Standard &Poor's may reduce the negative impact of American downgrading on China and perhaps it will happen。
从上述错误可以看出,对汉语的语法分析同样很重要,我们这里用括号的形式分析如下:
[(标准普尔公司降低美国评级)(对中国)的负面影响],或许即将显现。
这样我们可以看到,小括号内是两个定语,“标准普尔公司降低美国评级”不是句子的主干部分,翻译成英语同样不能成为主干部分,所以上述三个句子的翻译就明显错了。
文中所提到中国发出声音,提醒美国“借钱要还”在目前的形势下,也只是一种提醒,所以在翻译的时候要正确理解和处理,即要表达出中国人的声音,也要实事求是地传达出原文的意思,有些地方也可以借助词汇的引申意义和意象来潜在传达向自己的意图。笔者在第一段中使用了(taking) the lion's share 这个成语,意图表达其中隐含的风险。最后一句中,笔者更是直译了中国的一句古话,“欠债还钱(he who owes money pays the debt)”,这句话套用了英语句式,he who plays with fire gets burnt,提醒的意思更清楚了。
一些词语的翻译也需灵活处理,比如“决策机制”,翻译成policy-makers比翻译成policy-making mechanisms要好,不少网友的处理都是正确的。“放任”这个词的翻译也有一些讲究,翻译成indulge in的目的旨在于批评美国放任自流的态度,millennium网友用了indulge这个词,但没有注意到及物性问题。